Say NO to Housework

Just in time for the holidays!
I know I'm going to find these very useful.

Windows:
Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a
helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun.
Call it an SPF factor of 15 and leave it alone.

Cobwebs:
Artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from
the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere.
If someone points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look confused and exclaim,
"What? And spoil the mood?"
(Or just throw glitter on them & call them holiday decorations.)

Pet Hair:
Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the
doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn play animals for underprivileged children. (Also keeps out cold drafts in winter.)

Guests:
If unexpected company is coming, pile everything
unsightly into one room and close the door.
As you show your guests through your tidy home,
rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say,
"I'd love you to see our den, but Fluffy hates to be
disturbed and the shots are SO expensive."

Dusting:
If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place
a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that
"This is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes."

General Cleaning:
Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner
with four cups of water in a spray bottle.
Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in
conspicuous locations.
Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself on the couch
and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere."

As a last resort, light the oven, throw a teaspoon of
cinnamon in a pie pan, turn off oven and explain that you
have been baking cookies for a bake sale for a favorite charity and haven't had time to clean...
Works every time.

Another favorite, I think from Erma Bombeck:
Always keep several get well cards on the mantle so if unexpected guests arrive, you can say you've been sick
and unable to clean.