Mummy, how does the EU bailout package work?

It  is a slow day in a dusty little Greek town near Thessaloniki . The sun is  beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in  debt, and everybody lives on credit.

On this  particular day, a rich German tourist called Angela Merkle' is driving through  the town, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling  the hotel owner she wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one  to spend the night.

The owner  gives her some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the  hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the  butcher.

The butcher  takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig  farmer.

The pig farmer  takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and  fuel.

The  guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill  at the pub.

The publican  slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has  also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on  credit.

The hooker  then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with  the €100 note.

The hotel  proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveller  will not suspect anything.

At that moment  the German traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states  that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.

No one  produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now out  of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

That is how  the EU bailout package works!

A Cow based Economics Lesson

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you
want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.