Monday, October 22, 2012

Snow White, Superman, and Pinocchio

Snow White, Pinocchio, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day.

As they walk, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I am entering" said Snow White.

After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how'd ya do?"

"First Place ," said Snow White.

They continue walking and they see a sign: "Contest for the strongest man in the world."

"I'm entering," says Superman.

After half an hour he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?"

" First Place ," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?"

They continue walking when they see a sign: "Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?"

Pinocchio enters.

After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes.

"What happened?" they asked.

"Who the hell is MITT ROMNEY?" asked Pinocchio.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Funeral for a Doctor

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.

A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When confronted, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral. You see I'm a gynecologist."

At that point, the proctologist fainted.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

The Quiz

A female teacher, was having problems with a boy in her 3rd grade class.

The boy said "Teacher, I should be in 4th grade, I'm smarter than my sis and she's in 4th grade."

The teacher, tired of his complaints took the boy to the Principal's office and explained everything to the Principal. He decided to test the boy with some questions that a 4th grader should know.

Principal: What's 3+3?
Boy: 6

Principal: 6+6?
Boy: 12 ....and so on!

The Principal asked the boy many questions and the boy got them right. The Principal then told the teacher to send the boy to 4th grade. The teacher decided to ask some more questions and the Principal agreed.

Teacher: What does a cow have 4 of, that I've only 2 of?
Boy: Legs.

Teacher: What's in your pants that you have but I don't have?
Boy: Pockets

Teacher: What starts with a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy: Coconut.

Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge..
Boy: Bubble Gum.

Teacher: You stick your poles inside me, You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do. What am I?
Boy: Tent

The principal was beginning to look restless

Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?
Boy: Wedding Ring

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good?
Boy: Nose.

Teacher: I've a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver?
Boy: Arrow.

Teacher: What starts with 'F' and ends with a 'K' and if you don't get it, you have to use your hand?
Boy: Fork

Teacher: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?
Boy: Surname.

Teacher: What part of the man has no bone, but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love??
Boy: Heart!

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Send the boy to University, I got the last 10 questions wrong myself!"