Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Yes, The Puns are Intended

1. Two vultures board a plane, each carrying two dead raccoons.
The Stewardess stops them and says, "Sorry sir, only one carrion per

2. NASA recently sent a number of Holsteins into orbit for experimental
purposes. They called it the herd shot round the world.

3. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One took off to Hollywood
and became a rich star. The other stayed in Carolina and never amounted to much--and naturally became known as the lesser of two weevils.

4. Two Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, so they started a fire, which sank
the craft, proving the old adage, "You can't have your kayak and heat it

5. A 3-legged dog walks into an old west saloon, slides up to the bar and
announces, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who went to the dentist and refused to
take Novocain? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and met in the lobby
where they were discussing their recent victories in chess tournaments.
The hotel manager came out of the office after an hour, and asked them to
disperse. He couldn't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

8. A women has twins, gives them up for adoption. One goes to an Egyptian
family and is named "Ahmal." The other is sent to a Spanish family and is
named "Juan." Years later, Juan sends his birth mother a picture of
himself. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband she wishes she
also had a picture of Ahmal. He replies, "They're identical twins for Pete
sake!! If you've seen Juan, you've see Ahmal!!"

9. A group of friars opened a florist shop to help with their belfry
payments. Everyone liked to buy flowers from the Men of God, so their
business flourished. A rival florist became upset that his business was
suffering because people felt compelled to buy from the Friars, so he
asked the Friars to cut back hours or close down.

The Friars refused. The florist went to them and begged that they shut
down. Again they refused. So the florist then hired Hugh McTaggert, the
biggest meanest thug in town. He went to the Friars' shop, destroyed their
flowers, trashed their shop, and said that if they didn't close, he'd be
back. Well, totally terrified, the Friars closed up shop and hid in their
rooms. This proved that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

10. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his whole life, which
created an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from very
bad breath. This made him ....what?
(This is so bad; it's good...)
A super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

11. And finally... there was a person who sent 10 puns to some friends in
hopes that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
Unfortunately no pun in ten did!!

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