Wednesday, June 30, 2004

The Italian Story

Let's start at the beginning.

Come stai? Molto benne. Bon giorno. Ciao. Arrivederci. Every Italian

From Italy knows these words and every Italian-American should. But what

About the goomba speech pattern? Those words and phrases that are a little

Italian, a little American, and a little slang. Words every paison and

bacciagaloop has heard, words we hear on The Sopranos and throughout

our Little Italy neighborhoods of New York and New Jersey. This form of

language, the "Goomba-Italiano" has been used for generations.

It's not gangster slang terms like "whack" or "vig", if that's what

you are thinking---nope, this is real guido tawk!

The goomba says ciao when he arrives or leaves. He says Madonna Mia

anytime emotion is needed in any given situation. Mannaggia,

meengya, oofah, and, of course, va fungool can also be used. Capeesh?

He uses a mopeen to wipe his hands in the cucina, gets agita from the

Gravy and will schkeeve meatballs unless they are homemade from the famiglia.

Always foonah your bread in the pot of gravy or you will be a mottie or

A goo-gootz. Mezza-fanooks are usually mamalukes and the girl from the

neighborhood with the reputation is a facia-bruta puttana or a

schifosa whoore. If you are called cattivo, gabbadost, schfatcheem,

stupido, or strunz, you are usually a pain in the ass. A crazy diavlo can give

you the maloikya (evil eye), but that red horn will protect you if you

use it right. Don't forget to always say per favore and grazie and prego.

If you are feeling mooshadd or stunad or mezza-morta, always head to

Nonna's and she will fix you up with a little homemade manicott',

gavadell', or calamar', or some ricott' cheesecake. Mangia some zeppoles,

canollis, torrone, struffoli, shfoolyadell', pignoli cookies, or a

little nutella on pannetone. Delizioso!

I think I'll head to the kitch and fix myself a sengweecj of gabagol'

with some proshoot and mozarell' or maybe just a hot slice of peetz.

So salud' if you have any Italian blood in you and if you understood

anything I wrote here. If so, you are numero uno and the professore

of the goombas. If you don't get any of this, then fa Nabola with the

whole thing and you are a disgraziato. Scuzi, me dispiachay, I didn't mean that.

Just fugheddaboudit!

Go get your Fila running suit on and skip to the Bada Bing to spend

some shcaroll' and have a good time with a mala femina....

Joe Pesci said it's ok.

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