Sunday, July 18, 2004

Italian for Americans

I'm sending this out to every person I know who is Italian, could be Italian or married an Italian. ENJOY!!!!!

Let's start at the beginning. Come stai? Molto bene. Bon giorno. Ciao. Arrivederci. Every Italian from Italy knows these words and every Italian-American should.

But what about the goomba speech pattern? Those words and phrases that are a little Italian, a little American, and a little slang. Words Every paesano and Bacciagaloop has heard,-words we hear on The Sopranos and throughout our Little Italy neighborhoods of New York and New Jersey.

This form of language, the "Goomba-Italiano" has been used for generations. It's not gangster slang terms like "whack" or "vig", if that's what you are thinking---nope, this is real guido tawk!

The goomba says ciao when he arrives or leaves. He says Madonna Mia anytime emotion is needed in any given situation. Mannaggia, meengya, oofah, and of course, va fongool can also be used. Capeesh?

He uses a mopeen to wipe his hands in the cuchina, gets agita from the gravy (SAUCE to the NJ gang) and will shkeeve meatballs unless they are homemade from the famiglia. Always foonah your bread in the pot of gravy (sauce) or you will be considered a real coo-gootz or a Mezzo-finookio.

There are usually plenty of mamalukes and the girl from the neighborhood with the reputation is a facia-bruta puttana or a schifosa whooer.

If you are called cattivo, cabbadost, sfatcheem, stupido, or strunz, you are usually a pain in the ass. A crazy diavlo can give you the malokya (evil eye), but that red horn (contra malokya) will protect you if you Use it right. Don't forget to always say per favore and grazia and prego.

If you are feeling mooshadda or stoonad or mezzo-morto, always head to Nonna's and she will fix you up with a little homemade manicott', cavadell', or calamar', or some ricotta cheesecake.

Mangia some zeppoles, canollis, torrone, struffoli, shfoolyadell', pignoli cookies, or a little nutella on pannetone.Delizioso! I think I will fix myself a sangweech of cabagol' with some proshoot and mozarell' or maybe just a hot slice of peetza...............

So salud' if you have any Italian blood in you and if you understood anything written here. If so, you are numero uno and a professore of the goombas.

If you don't get any of this, then fa Nabola with the whole thing and you are a disgraziato. Scuzi, me dispiachay, I didn't mean that....... Just...... fugheddaboudit!..........

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