Saturday, January 07, 2006

Dog & Cat Diaries

Excerpts From A Dog's Daily Diary:

8:00 a.m. Oh, boy - Dog food - My favorite
9:30 a.m. Oh, boy - A car ride - My favorite
9:40 a.m. Oh, boy - A walk - My favorite
10:30 a.m. Oh, boy - Getting rubbed and petted - My favorite
11:30 a.m. Oh, boy - Dog food - My favorite
Noon Oh, boy - The kids - My favorite
1:00 p.m. Oh, boy - The yard - My favorite
4:00 p.m. Oh, boy - To the park - My favorite
5:00 p.m. Oh, boy - Dog food - My favorite
5:30 p.m. Oh, boy - Pretty Mums - My favorite
6:00 p.m. Oh, boy - Playing ball - My favorite
6:30 a.m. Oh, boy - Watching TV with my master - My favorite
8:30 p.m. Oh, boy - Sleeping in master's bed - My favorite

Excerpts From A Cat's Daily Diary:

Day 183 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded -- must try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair; must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts... They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.

But I can wait, it is only a matter of time now...

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