From the Police Blotter

Do-It-Yourself Brain Surgery:
In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.

Did I Say That:
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a line-up. When detectives asked each man in the line-up to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "That's not what I said."

Are We Communicating:
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart." "Is this her first child?"The doctor asked. "No, you idiot," the man shouted, "This is her husband."