Thursday, November 25, 2004

Thanksgiving Lesson

There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for
nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by
the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke.
The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her
eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air.

Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in
the morning. He told her that he couldn't help it. She begged him to
see a doctor to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't
hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and
then he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away
with her hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it
and if he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out."

The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband
continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until
one Thanksgiving morning. Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to
prepare the family feast. She fixed pudding, mashed potatoes, gravy
and of course a turkey. While she was taking out the turkey's innards,
a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her husband's
problem. With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts
into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours before her flatulent
husband would awake.

While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers and then
gently pulled back her husband's jockey shorts. She then placed all of
the turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced
the covers and tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing the family

Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal
loud-ass trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream
and the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs
bathroom. The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to
tear up as she rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up
with him she had finally gotten even.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood
stained underpants, with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip
to keep from laughing and she asked him what was the matter. He said,
"Honey, you were right - all those years you warned me and I didn't
listen to you."

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one
of these days, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God
and these two fingers, I think I got 'em all back in."

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